Ego is a myth


I have never seen anything I would call an ego, I say it is a cultural myth. I see no permanent self either, self is perpetually and spontaneously appearing in relationship to circumstance as you go through life. There is some routine to this though; your personality is a tribe of different characters that all have your name. I call them parts.
Some of your parts are friendly, beneficent, and great fun, and some are incredibly useful, but some are dysfunctional, traumatized, child-minded, and anything in between. Each part has it’s own attitude, behavior, desires, worldview, and feelings, and one part or another shows up to be in relationship with the world. And that is ok, for me compassion is to accept all the characters inside. Freedom though is to see that there is no permanent self as such, that ‘who’ you are is always changing, and that you can locate in the seer and be presently aware at any time.
Learning to identify your parts takes a close look and practice, and the difficult bit is that all parts (when they have your energy) claim your sense of self.
Become mindful and conscious of your behavior, body, thoughts, and feelings, and you will begin to see the characteristics that identify your differing parts.
At first it’s helpful to look at the changing parts in the people that you are familiar with, and then look into your ‘selves’. A good experiment is to look for the difference in who you are when talking with a friend, with who you are when sexually aroused for instance. Or who you are when angry, with who you are when joking with a child.
You can be aware of the part you are in and take it lightly, or a part can launch itself without awareness. When this happens you’ll likely go for a ride until it has played out its script, or until you become aware and withdraw energy from it. This takes a little practice, but it will give you the option to time out, or find a better location; a space to heal, or to share your feelings clearly for instance. In tough times you may only have the option to let the part run it’s course inside you without going into activity. This can be challenging, but all things pass as energy is processed.
In session time with me, I can guide you through all this.


Discovering and accepting your parts is compassion, freedom is in awareness.



“Toby is a loving guide. I have found his approach to be wildly practical, completely compassionate, and strikingly precise. Waking up, getting your worth, communicating what’s true for you.. yeah, he can help with that.”
              - Nick